LUV The Walking Dead…but it could never happen

If you are a zombie apocalypse fan and you are troubled by facts which inhibit your enjoyment of this sci-fi/horror genre, stop reading now.  I get it: sometimes my logical hubs is a real downer pointing out during a disaster or horror movie or TV show how “that could never happen.”

Gary Larson: The Far Side

We suspend a lot of disbelief to enjoy the fun new AMC series The Walking Dead. I personally love it for the “end of civilization as we know it” dynamics of the characters. How would we react to survive an “extinction event”? Survivalists have been asking that question for a long time, and it’s worth pondering now that science and Hollywood have contemplated how many ways we can get taken out–move over, dinosaurs. 

Still, hubs usually has a valid point, and as much as I am enjoying the Dead series, I see people in blogs, comments, etc., asking questions about how these zombies do things that give one pause–but never give the zombies pause. So here are a few observations to allay any fears that might creep into our nightmares about zombies (yes, I’ve had some, too):

The Walking Dead zombie decay: see what I mean?

  • Does anyone really believe that zombies, with rotted and torn muscles, ligaments, and tendons, can actually walk, out pace, grab and hold healthy humans, and rip them to shreds with their teeth faster than those people could run and get away? To walk our muscles must receive neurological messages which coordinate contractions with complex sensory input so we don’t just bump around and get stuck in a corner. This requires the higher functions of the brain. Yet these brain-dead super-zombies can climb stairs and fences, rip through heavy metal vehicles, break windows, and open doors? Um…no. 
  • How can zombies see where to go anyway, or hear and follow sound and light? I can barely see with thick eyeglasses now; so how  can a zombie eyeball without a healthy retina, cornea, and lens not be blind? Back to bumping into walls.
  • Remember in Season One when Glenn and Rick (I think) used zombie blood to “disguise” themselves so they could walk among the zombies, to cover living-flesh smell? How can zombies smell anything? Even if they had olfactory sensors still working, their own dead stench would pretty much dominate anything else, wouldn’t it? I guess the writers figured they had to explain why zombies don’t eat each other, just the living. So they came up with…you’re dead, but you’re a flesh-sniffing gourmet? 
  • Breathing for a zombie is also not an option, since their lungs and trachea would be mush. So exactly how do they make those zombie sounds without air being pushed from the diaphragm?
  • In the same vein (heh, pun there) there is no heartbeat, so no blood is circulating. It has nowhere to go, either, because arteries and blood vessels would be dried up, collapsed, and blocked. Since the heart has stopped, who cares, right? They’re dead!
  • Not to mention, digestion? Of meat? Wouldn’t the lack of a functioning esophagus, stomach, and intestines, plus the required digestive juices, pretty much eliminate any actual need for eating anyway? Anybody seen any of these zombies taking a dump yet? I don’t think so….

These are just a few thoughts on why zombies could never chase and eat humans. Ever. Even I could outrun a zombie. Standing still. It’s some comfort when I wake up right before some zombie turns me into the main course. 

Suspension-of-disbelief has to be complete to enjoy the fun of The Walking Dead zombie apocalypse properly. But on a “believable monsters in horror” scale of 1 to 10,  “not believable” being a 1, to “entirely plausible” being a 10, zombies are at 0. The laws of human physiology don’t disappear with some mysterious virus or contamination.

We’ll have our apocalypse one day, but it won’t be zombies.

25 responses to “LUV The Walking Dead…but it could never happen

  1. I’ve never seen these shows but I wouyld think zombies would be very stinky and gross

    • HAHA! What’s your first clue? It’s true, even watching these messy cadavers you feel dirty. So go ahead and love your fancy pants vampires–but I bet their breath stinks.😉

  2. I love this article! Great job for thinking of things we didn’t an backing it up with medical facts.. you rock woman!

  3. No lie.. your questions or statements were NEVER on the “Talking Dead”!! You need to be hosting that show! Or your hubs. 😉

  4. Ok.. Tomorrow I will link this to my blog.. I dont get a lot of hits for talking dead.. but this is a must read!

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  6. I keep meaning to watch it but haven’t got a round to it. This is a great article though. I love it. Now I may have to watch. But I would think Zombies wouldn’t know how to walk, talk, see, feel, kill, eat people, etc. since they probably dont have brains. I dunno. Just my thought. Haaahaaa
    Love your blog Lots.

    • Going way back to the earlier zombie movies, a catch phrase that was used to “explain” their behavior came from the zombies themselves: “Eat more brains.” lol Zombie movies are short on rational explanations. I remember the granddaddy of the zombie movement: Night of the Living Dead.

      Love ya’ Jana!

  7. Haha I never watched this show (I don’t find zombies ‘attractive’, oh you probably don’t either) but I lost it when you asked if anyone has seen a zombie taking a dump! I wonder if they use toilet paper, do they buy in bulk at Costco? Do they just save hands from victims?

    • I don’t find zombies attractive? Oh, you’re so wrong! I have fallen for the cutest zombie; he has the prettiest teeth exposed under his dead, rotted lips. And oh! What muscle definition! HAHA!

  8. I luv it…my son turned me onto it and we were just discussing what might have happened to Shane last night…(okay, suffice to say we’ve already suspended disbelief and are buying into the story at hand)….
    my theory about Shane and the boy spontaneously becoming zombies involves a problem that I’ve had since day 1: Why oh why, do they smash the zombies in the head and let all that blood splatter on their face, in their eyes, in their mouth etc?? That was freaking me out and I have wondered why they didnt become infected with said blood.
    So, my guess is that they did get infected, but since it wasn’t a direct wound that it took longer to infect the human…..perhaps the virus lies dormant in their nervous system and then is able to take over the body, when it’s natural defense mechanisms stop after death…..

    Anybody got any other ideas?????

    • Ooooh. I think you’ve solved it! Sounds good to me. Shane and Randall sure changed fast, too. Yeah, the constantly splattering brains and blood have been an issue with many; contamination is certain. Lots of comments on blogs have brought up Shane cutting his hand with the knife while in the school bus when he’d stabbed a zombie in the head with it only minutes earlier. I just read an interview where a writer/producer said we’d learn all in the season 2 finale. heh

      Also, in coming attractions, did you notice these zombies not only can see, they can see IN THE DARK?! HA!

  9. oh yeah, the kill, the hand, the knife…..didn’t think about that one….This is the first blog I’ve seen about the dead…..luvz!!

  10. Shannon *shanandcrew

    That’s what makes zombies scary to me. My absolute loss of logical thinking as I watch them! I’ve assumed some “zombie power” I’ve yet to learn about. I watch WD because my youngest loves it, and it’s something we can do together. It’s a great show!

    • Clearly we are inexplicably able to lay our common sense aside and allow ourselves to be scared silly by the impossible when it comes to zombies. Yeah, can’t WAIT for next season–The Prison and new, stranger characters. I’m scared already!😉

      • cherrylipgloss

        I was taken aback by how many key characters were killed off….well seemingly….maybe there’s a chance they’ll come back. The old dude was their moral compass and Shane provided the tension….as well as being a hunka-hunka. How long do we have to wait anyway?!

      • I’ve read or heard–The Talking Dead after-show?–they’re beginning to shoot Season 3 this month. I don’t remember an air date being mentioned, though. They started the first 2 seasons in the Fall, though, didn’t they? So…maybe 6 months? Oh, long time. I miss the old TV schedules, when a show went 9 months with a three month hiatus. Guess I’m spoiled. lol

        It is different to have major characters die so suddenly, but that’s how the comic series goes, from what the writer/creator of The Walking Dead said on The Talking Dead back at the beginning of Season 2. It adds to the fear created by knowing that anyone can die at any time–no one is safe. Kind of like real life, when you think of it. =:-o

        • I just read an interview with Jon Bernthal on yahootv and it appears he really is gone for good. He mentioned that in the graphic novel his character actually bit the dust sooner than he did in the seris.

          I’m with you, gal….I miss the time when a series was nine full months long….are we showing our age?…..

          • Why yes, I believe we are. And we were spoiled rotten. lol I saw a tweet from the head writer or someone; he said Season 3 will air in October. That’s 7 MONTHS. Sheesh. I won’t remember why I wanted to watch it in 7 months. :-\

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  12. Am I the only person who is (was) terrified of zombies?! Seriously, why would you love a stinky slimy creature who crawls around and wants to viciously murder you and every one else?! Seriously… Think what you want to, but I think they are disgusting and creepy. It’s your opinion…

    • LOL I meant I love the SERIES. So I agree with you: zombies are scary, like ghosts and other non-existent creatures in horror shows. If you’re not a horror fan, I understand that you don’t like this show. For those of us who are fans, it’s that “whistling in the dark” reaction.

      Thanks for commenting.

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